The Soul’s Cry.

The young man on Oprah said he was a thirty something gay man who grew up in a small town in Alabama. He had gotten in the habit of getting a lot of credit and not paying it back even though he had the money to pay it back.

As he presented his situation to the Spiritual teachers on the show, Michael Bernard Beckwith and Reverend Ed Bacon, they pointed out his thrill seeking by getting into debt and that it was his soul’s cry to live fully and feel alive. The Reverend Ed Bacon, an episcopalian priest said, “Your being gay is a gift.”

Everyone was very distracted about the comment by the right Reverend and almost all took offense. Especially on Facebook and Twitter where comments were flying all around.

However, I was struck by the explanation that when he first discovered that he was gay and was still in the closet, there was a certain thrill to the experience. Once he came out the closet, although by most standards, he was no longer hiding anything, he had previously been defined by hiding his gayness. Therefore, since he had lost that identity, he now was still thrill seeking other “shame based” ways to define himself.

I love how our souls, our inner being, refuses to be stifled and finds the most creative ways to get our attention.

Whether you can relate or not to being gay, it is the same template for a woman who was in an abusive relationship and ends up in another abusive relationship.

Or a smoker who gives up smoking but packs on the pounds.

What vibrational pattern is showing up in various areas of your life in the same way? Another way of saying this is how is your soul crying for your attention?

You cannot run away from it.

When you change your vibe, the underlying patterns will disappear.

I am coming out the closet!

Yes, I am out of the closet. It is official.

Hmm…..

“Is she gay?” you wonder.

No. I am a woman, happily married to a man.

I have come out of the closet by speaking my truth. Coming out of the closet speaks to living your own truth. I live my own truth. What truth do I need to speak now?

The truth about how Christians treat the gay community.

I grew up the youngest of three and the youngest grandchild in the entire family. That meant everyone was my parent. I took instructions and orders all day long. I was a precocious child so I always got into some kind of trouble and everyone scolded me. I could really never live by the rules.

As a result, I learned to look good and read facial cues as to the disappointment of my elders in my behavior. So I became secretive.

One of the things I was most secretive about is that I became a Christian at a very young age. My father was atheist, my mother agnostic. I went to church only for weddings and funerals growing up. My parents told me that there was no spiritual dimension to life.

As I grew up, I saw how my fellow Christians expressed their faith in ways that made me feel ashamed to call myself a Christian. It does not deter me from being a Christian but it does deter me from churchianity as I call it.

Let us talk about gays and the standard Christian doctrine.

On Oprah recently, a young man was told by the Reverend Ed Bacon, an episcopalian priest that, “Your being gay is a gift.”

The Bible says being gay is a sin. I cannot dispute that the Bible says that. However, I am too scared to judge a so called “sin” in anyone’s life as I do not want to be judged for those many moments in my life when I was not aligned and fully connected to my Heavenly Father. That is all sin is.

I have an issue with people that try to label being gay as the worst sin in the Bible. It is the same as fornication and adultery from the Bible standpoint. Get it straight. Do not isolate gay people from other sinners. There is nothing special about this so called sin.

Second, is it a sin? Are you sure about that? I love language and the richness of language. I read somewhere by a scholar that the word for gay during Bible times was a different word than what is used in the Bible. The word used in the Bible includes a dimension of rape or violence attached to gay behavior. Not the gay behavior itself.

This gave me a lot of food for thought. What if we are interpreting words very differently from the original intention for the word? Look at how the interpretations of women in the Bible have changed over the years.

Hmmm….

Third, what if someone is born gay? Have we Christians really examined this point?

Let me explain and put a different light on it.

In Nigeria where I am originally from, every now and then some one has a child that is an albino. An albino is someone that has lost all skin pigmentation. There are white albinos but they do not visibly stand out like African albinos in an all racially black (very dark skinned) environment.

There was a time that albinos were stoned to death in certain areas. They were considered, usually, the product of the sin of the mother. Even until today, they still experience a lot of judgment and prejudice.

In the 1900’s it took a Presbyterian missionary woman from Scotland by the name of Mary Slessor to bring awareness that albinism was not a curse, just a genetic issue.

Now, clearly albinism is a medical condition as these folks easily get burned by the sun’s rays.  I am not saying that being gay is a medical condition. I do not know enough about it to say that (and I seriously doubt that.)

What I am saying is that education and science proved that these myths we so dearly hold on to, no longer serve us.

What I am also saying is that we Christians need to see the gift of being gay. If I had a disaster happened to me, I would look upon that incident and try to learn lessons from it and as long as I could say that I have grown or learned something new from that experience, then the experience is also a gift.

For gays that do not feel part of mainstream society, most of them having experienced severe prejudice and hatred from narrow minded people that experience can be a gift.  If it creates in the individual the opportunity to experience self definition and not allow other people’s definition to define them, then indeed, it is a gift. If being gay presents a person with the opportunity to dig deep and enjoy and celebrate life as who they are with what they have, then truly they have experienced the gift.

For too long, coming out the closet was something talked about by gays for gays.

Us non gays should encourage gays to come out of the closet and live their authentic best life.

Separate from coming out of the closet, every single gay person I have ever met has taken the time to develop gifts and talents within them and they contribute significantly to my world.

I probably will never hire a straight gardener ever in my life again. I am so spoiled in this area.

Stop poking the finger at someone else’s gift. What is your gift? Mind your own gift.

Churchians you are allowed to comment on this blog post but no derogatory comments please.

Thank you.

A TCK on experiencing the emotions of patriotism.

If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know I openly share my history and back ground.

Well, to me that means I have let you into my life and maybe even my home in some instances.

Well today, I ask you to enter into my bedroom.

Yesterday, as I watched the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of
America, I wept and felt joy unspeakable.

I closely watched all the programing and felt happy yet my heart ached.

I thought of my parents. I wished they had lived to see this day. They would have shed tears of joy.

In the evening, I called my brother to tease him that his classmate was now the presdient and what the heck was he doing with is professorial life. My brother attended Columbia University when President Obama was there but they did not know each other.

When I spoke to my sister, I told her that for the first time in my life, I had experienced the emotions of patriotism. I actually felt patriotic. It was a brand new feeling to me.

As a third culture kid, growing up in Nigeria, I knew I had an out. I knew I would go to America to attend University and I knew that my racial and cultural identity were not wholly Nigerian. So I did not engage and connect with corruption in the media and poverty on the streets that were my daily experience of my life there.  I knew I had options.

Since living here in the States, as I look back on it now, my attitude was that I was just taking up a very small slice of this ever so vast country with my job, my home and my life.

Some how I have always felt disconnected from it all that I am not part and parcel of this country. On fourth of July, I just observe. I do not participate. I respect that this country has a strong patriotic spirit and if you had asked me, I would have said that I am patriotic.

However, now that I have experienced it, I can tell you that I was not fully patriotic and I have genuinely experienced it for the first time in my life.

No, I take that back.

For the second time in my life.

The first time was out of a more defensive posture when 9/11 happened. I felt angry and unsafe. I felt, “How could you do this to us?”

I did experience “us” then, however, it was more from a survivor instinct place.

Now, I experienced it from a place of pride. I felt that finally I expereinced a side of this country that fully seduced me. I felt aligned to a governmental and leadership purpose. I felt indescribably one with this country.

That is the vibe of patriotism.

I will continue to explore it and contribute from that place to my greater community.

What about you?

How do you experience patriotism?

Do you take it for granted or do you re-experience it often?

Authentic Internet Social Netorking

Writing the first post on my blog and reading the subsequent comments was an eye opening experience. First of all, writing the post made me see my own patterns of behavior with social networking.

Now that I look back at my social networking experiences, I realize that I got on Twitter and got comfortable on Twitter and developed a more formal relationship with my other social networking sites. It is kind of like feeling “at home” on Twitter and when I go to other social networking platforms, I behave as if I am a stranger: “company.”

Since the post, I have gotten a lot of feedback from uber-Facebook users and now I have a greater appreciation for Facebook. I have gotten way past the first level of setting up a profile and getting folks to follow me.

The first step was getting my Twitter feed to talk to my Facebook feed.

The second was grouping my friends so that I can find that needle in the haystack of a particular comment or feed from a particular person.

The third was putting up a couple of videos.

The fourth was getting my blog post on Facebook.

All these additional steps have me “nesting” very nicely on Facebook.

Now, I am not feeling that when I get to Facebook, a bunch of stuff is just being thrown at me and I do not know how to sort through it all.

I am more deliberate about what I do now that the vibe that I get when I log on to Facebook, is that “This is familiar” and “I have mastery and I am here to connect and give value.”

Yeah, Facebook rocks and I am enjoying my time there!

Lesson learned:

As humans, we feel that we “belong” to those things that we know. That is our default definition of identity. It is based on what we know, not what we want.

So back to Facebook and Twitter.

If the culture of a particular social networking platform seems that it does not resonate with you, go back to your original intention for joining: Connecting, getting good information, meeting great people, connecting with like minded people and ultimately making great business connections.

Now, ask yourself the following questions:

Are you presenting yourself to this social networking platform or are you hiding and lurking?

When you present yourself, do you present from a place of value or are you feeling so insecure and wondering if anyone will like you?

A year from now, if someone were to look at your social networking footprint, what will it say about you?

Did you add value to others lives?

Did you express your authentic self and can that we consistently traced on your social networking footprint?

25 Random things you did not know about me!

Tia Singh of Inspired by Fun coaching tagged me for this one and I will do it because she is awesome. She is in my mastermind group and my fellow coach.

* If I tagged you, it’s because I’d love to know more about you.* And if I didn’t tag you it’s cos I ran out of 25 tags but will do another one soon!

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, ideally, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged, including the person who tagged you.

Only play if it’s fun for you and you want to. That’s my real official rule.

1.  I have never done drugs. I have never even smoked a joint. I love red wine though. I knew better than to start on drugs as I do have some addictive tendencies. Like chocolate, legal shows on tv and my Macbook.

2.  I am married to Mr. Adrian Monk, the character on the TV show Monk. Mr. Monk has obsessive-compulsive disorder. Well, my husband, Femi, is almost Mr. Monk energetically. So each night, we watch Monk before we go to sleep so we can laugh and go to bed. I drive my husband crazy because, um…. Let us just say, I am not quite as organized as he is. I am not a slob but I am not a neat freak either.

3. My father was atheist and my mother was agnostic so, growing up, I never ever went to church except for funerals and weddings. I was born and raised in Nigeria where these terms were unheard of there. Everyone there is either Christian, Muslim or follow an earth religion. My parents said there is no spiritual dimension to life.  So I felt like a very strange duck. When I was about seven or eight, I was watching a tele-evangelist on TV one Sunday afternoon. So I got myself “saved.” I walked down the carpet in my home, down the aisle, to the TV and got salvation. I would try and walk around all perfect and holy, trying to monitor all my thoughts and promising God how good I would be. By Tuesday afternoon, I would be “hell bound on wheels” as I was misbehavin’ and back to my old ways. Well, Sunday, the same thing would happen all over again. This went on until I came to the States when I was sixteen and started attending church regularly. Talk about being confused!

4.  When I came the the US as a teenager, I started going to church and consistently observing my faith at last. Guess what I discovered? I hate churchianity! Hate it! Love Christianity but hate churchianity.

5.  I am a closet LOA and Universal Law follower. There, it is out. O boy! What will happen if my brother and sister read this? O, there is that feeling again that I am “hell bound on wheels.”  When I discovered LOA, I would listen to Abraham-Hicks material and “repent” afterward. Now, I blend it all. The more I study all this stuff, the more I see that most of it is all the same, just a different perspective. I love it. I am in complete harmony with it. I still worry what my pastors and my family would say but it does not stop me from being who I am and expressing it well too. I guess they will get over it.

6.  I bit my nails until I was about 30 years old and started getting weekly manicures. All my life, I had bitten my nails and cuticles but no matter what, I could not stop biting my nails even when I came to this country and found that bitter stuff that you paint on your nails. Someone prayed for me and gave me a gift certificate to get my nails done and that is how I stopped. I still bite my cuticles though.

7.  I have an affinity for languages although I only speak two and various dialects of both. I speak English and Yoruba and pidgin English and broken Yoruba. I cannot read Yoruba. My relationship with words is very different than most people. I taste words on my tongue as they roll off my lips. I sense words. I feel the vibration of words easily. Some words are yummy, some are tasty, some are holy. I am easily seduced by the deliciousness of a word and sometimes it feels as is a particular word resides deep within me. I just enjoy engaging and interacting with words.

9.  My father passed away on my husband’s birthday.

10. My husband was the only one with my mom as he watched her make her transition when she passed away.

11. My husband went all the way to Nigeria to see his mom on a whim. He had not seen her in a few years. She died four days after he got back. What is up with this guy and dead parents? All the death we have experienced together makes us even closer to each other. We understand how fragile life is and how precious an experience it is to love another human being.

12.  I used to be very scared of children. I did not understand them and they made me feel nervous. It took some years, but I worked through it and I love children now. I still cannot handle huge classrooms of them but I love engaging with them one on one. I still want to have kids.

13. I am fascinated with the fact that my mother is half Jewish. Her paternal grandfather was a Jewish Rabbi. I want to know that side of my heritage but I have no way to figure that out.

14.  I am an avid reader. I love discovering young African writers that write about cross cultural experiences. I always have my nose in a book. It is pure escapism for me.

15. I have a problem with clothes. On my “off” days, I cannot match clothes or remember what goes with what. I am not the sharpest dresser and when I feel this way, I put on clashing colors and clashing patterns. This is fine when I am sitting around at home but I will even go to church that way, every now and then. My husband takes it upon himself to be my “appearance inspector.” Thank God for him. I have seen some pictures that make me cringe. I am not sure what this is about. Sometimes I can put myself together very well. But, other times, about 40 percent of the time, you would look at me and wonder what my problem is.

15. I am absolutely fearless about public speaking. I have spoken before a crowd of 5,000 plus people non-nonplussed. I do not have an appreciation for people that fear public speaking because I by passed that one with this gift. Now, is this not an interesting item compared to item number 15. Also as I re-read this I realize that what I do when I have to speak publicly is sink into the vibration of the words which is really easy for me to do and that is my focus and that is why I am not afraid of speaking publicly. Wow! Amazing.

16. I love hand made pottery and hand woven baskets. I love any kind of artistic expression. I feel a connection to the person that made it and make up imaginary stories in my head about the artists.

17. I am a hand lotion freak. I have so many bottles and tubes of lotion and I am constantly “lubing up.” I cannot stand dry hands. I am very obsessive about this. If you want to torture me, take away all my lotion.

19.  I was, and still am, absolutely in love with my father. He was a wonderful and loving father and husband I believe this is why I was able to select a loving husband as well.

20. I collect clivia plants. Clivias are originally from South Africa and they are related to orchids. They bloom only once a year. They are pretty rare and expensive and require very little maintenance. My sister got me hooked.

21. When I was a very young child I ran into my brother carrying a boiling pot of water and the entire contents of the pot fell on my chest. I was rushed to the hospital and they started burn treatments on me. The next day, my father killed a pig and sliced the fat parts thinly and each day he would rub the pork fat on my chest and wrap thin slices on my chest for a few hours. He was the only one I would allow around me at this time and he was the only one that I would allow to treat my burns. This was the local way of healing burns. I do not have a single scar today. Years later, a university here in the US did a study and said that pork fat was an effective burn remedy. I am very grateful that I am not scared by the burns.

22.  I grew up with the musician Sade. Her father and my father were friends and I met her when she was in fashion school and came to Nigeria to visit her father for a few months. I was probably about ten years old.  I kept in touch with her over the years and she was a very popular singer for a couple of years before I even realized it was her. She had a concert in Washington, DC in the late eighties when I was in law school and my best friend, Anita and I went to see her. Anita did not believe that I knew Sade so she dared me to send her a note. I sent her a note and by the end of the show, the security guards came to get me. I spent the evening with her. It was wild. We literally stayed up and talked to dawn about her father who had recently passed away. She is even more lovely as a person than her music. Truly, she is a gem.

23.  I am very passionate about aromatherapy and herbs as healing agents. I always have essential oils diffusing anywhere I am. Drives Mr. Monk crazy! Any smell other than clean air bothers him.

24.  I am very clear that my purpose is in helping others. I am very loving and I always see the broader energy of others. Before, I used to assume that this meant that I should “rescue” them. Now, I am more aware of the value of that gift within me and that is why I went to coaching school. I went to coaching school to find out how to separate my “rescue” inclinations from just being there for others and being supportive. As I got “it,” I discovered my ability to reflecting to others how wonderful they already are. My entire coaching practice is built around that. So really, here is a secret. I do not work. I just play and have fun all day and the  money rolls in.

25.  I am completely tone deaf. I cannot carry a tune or sing yet I am well educated in classical music and even had the gall to take voice classes from a famed voice coach when I first came to this country.  I think I thought I just had to be trained. That teacher almost passed out when she heard my screeches. I still screech and I think that I have finally accepted that I probably will not sing like Aretha Franklin in this lifetime.

Wow, this was a great exercise. I feel like I gathered all my scattered parts and put them together to make a mosaic of my life and who I am. Ahh, mosaic. Can you taste that word – it has smoothness to it. I learned something from this: I like myself. I am glad I know me.

OK, the twenty five other people that I am tagging here are as follows:

1.  Tia Singh.  The Fun and Inspired Coach.

2.  Jeanette Maw. The most amazing Law of Attraction Vibrational Manager Coach. Truly Amazing. My personal guru.

3.  Wendy Y Bailey. The Group Mastery Leader for Coaches. We share the same birthday. How kwel is that?

4.  Tinu Abayomi-Paul.  Her Royal Majesty, the Free Traffic Tips SEO Guru. We bow at your feet.

5.  Trish Jones. The most kind hearted person ever. Web Guru and Major Woman of Influence. Thank you for all. She designs businesses from the heart of her technical skills.

6.  Bassey Ikpi. Poet Extraordinaire. Toured with Def Poetry Jam. Presented at the NAACP Inauguration Ball just a couple of days ago.

7.  Beverly Mahone. Baby Boomer Diva.

8.  Kerrie McElvaine. The most awesome and coolest fish tank creator!

9.   Ron Hudson. Mr. Influence and Mr. Persuasion.

10.  Kim Falconer. World renowned Fantasy Author and Astrologer.

11.  Lola Fayemi. The most amazing Energy healer and coach there is.

12.  Gwen Thibeaux. Our very own motivational speaker and author.

13.  Melody Campbell. The Most Exceptional Small Business Guru and Diva. This lady knows her stuff. My mentor.

14. Demi Langford. This woman attracts money like flies.

15. Karen Swim. She has a romance going on with words and she hires out her words.

16.  Jim Smith. The happiest guy on the planet. The happiness coach.

17.  Latara Ham-Ying. The VA extraordinaire.

18.  Sophie B. President. A real live soap maker.

19.  Rinatta Paries. Amazing Love Coach. Hire her. She is amazing.

20.  Judy Kinney. The Coach for Lesbian and bi-sexual women.

21. Cd Vann. The Sohobiztube.com lady. Social networking connection builder.

22.  Travis Webb. The only musician and body guard on the social networking planet. Awesome musician.

23.  Pam Slim. A great coach and author that gets you out of cubicle nation into your own nation.

24.  Sarah Stuart. The Imagination Dreamer.

25.  Karen McMillian. The Conscious Living Coach.

OK, that is it. This is a lovely exercise. It was so nice getting into me and saying what would I want others to know.

Thanks for joining me.

Twitter culture vs. Facebook culture

My husband has watched me loose my mind over Twitter over the last four months. I am always tweeting and reading my tweets: On my PC, on my new MacBook and even on my phone.

He just looks at me and shakes his head.

Well, today, he hears about how Dell announces computer deals on Twitter and has made over a million dollars through their Twitter announcements. Well, being the business mind that he is, Mr. Geek MBA now wants to know all about Twitter.

Imagine my gleeful delight that I discovered Twitter and have been using it religiously long before he even saw the value. Maybe I am a “unfolding geek” after all.

Twitter is a micro-blogging tool that allows you to type in messages that your followers see but you can only use 140 characters at a time.

He wanted to observe my Twitter stream and see what people were talking about. Now he is all excited and wants to get on the Twitter band wagon.

I tried to explain to him, rather disdainfully, that Twitter has a “culture” and he would be wise to observe it.

“You see,” I said, “Twitter people are very nice. They are helpful. They do not like just a strong sales pitch. They want to know who you are and what your message is. You can ask almost anything – people love to help on Twitter.”

“But isn’t that just like Facebook?” he asked with the unspoken look of “What is the big deal about Twitter?” written all over his face.

I sighed.

“No. Twitter and Facebook have distinctively different cultures. People on Facebook either want establish commerce connections to sell you something. (Including myself.) Or they want to connect with their friends.”

“But they are both Social Networking tools. They are pretty much the same.”

“Look, I have spent time on these sites. My ultimate goal is to make connections and expand my knowledge base and make great connections with authentic people. I have been able to do that more naturally on Twitter than Facebook.”

He got quiet and said, “You think they have different vibes, different cultures?”

“Of course. I never really thought about it. But Twitter is more my tribe, my culture. I prefer the vibes I get there.” I said.

Now this conversation taught me a couple of things that I had not paid attention to. I spend more time on Twitter because it feels good. It feels good because I have received a lot of love and support and made new friends on Twitter.

I also realize that as I created more resonance with Twitter, I default to Twitter. Now, being the out of the box thinker than I am, I realize that I want to challenge myself out of my comfort zone.I think I need to spend more time on Facebook and develop those relationships.

I read the feeds. I do connect with some people there. But not like I do at Twitter.

This is how we naturally gravitate to “our own.” Those that think like us, accept us, show us more love and we feel comfortable with that. Every group of people have their own culture. Seth Godin calls it “tribes.” I am not saying it is bad. But sometimes we get too comfortable in that culture or tribe.

What do you think? Does Facebook have a culture that differs from Twitter? Are you conscious of your tribes or the cultural groups that you belong to? Your company culture? Your church culture? Your Internet culture?

I would love to get your response on this.

Third Culture Kids – Belonging video

Please click below for the video.

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Obama’s racial and cultural identity: Third culture kid or African-American?

Barack Obama has said, “I identify as African-American — that’s how I’m treated and that’s how I’m viewed. I’m proud of it.” In other words, the world gave Obama no choice but to be black, and he was happy to oblige.”  I read this quote by a reporter when I googled President-Elect Obama on the issue of race.

What I notice here is that this statement does not say what he thinks about his race. This is an underlying perception about race that needs to be address. We identify race based on how others identify us. Not how we identify ourselves.

I was thinking about this with regards to myself. Truly, if it would not be confusing, I would say that I am bi-racial and bi-cultrually Nigerian American. That language begins to give me a sense of my race versus my culture. There is a difference. Crossing cultures does make you a different person. You cannot deny that it is part of your identity. It just is.

Please note the commentator says “he had no choice but to be black. Why does he not have a choice? Genetically speaking he is 50 percent white and 50 percent black. Why must he fit into one box? Political convenience? I can see that. Maybe it is just not an issue to him. That is Ok too.

This same issue came up for me today as I found yet another wonderful social networking tool – seesmic. Here people record short videos and you respond to them via videos. It is like twitter, except it is a video. This is what I love about social networking as a research tool. I met Andre Keon on seesmic and he is a diversity officer for a county in Minnesota. In addition, his website has fantastic videos on diversity issues. My conversation with him was fulfilling as I told him about third culture kids and cross cultural kids including them in the conversation about hidden diversity.

It was a great conversation and I look forward to more interaction with him. He definitely has a very open and broad minded approach to the “inclusion” issue. I applaud this about him.

What are the cultural mixes in your background? Do you feel more pulled to one than the other? Even if your race is not mixed, maybe your culture is? This is also an interesting diversity piece.

Personal Power and Cultural Identity: On Obama

For me, when it comes to Obama and the threats against his life based on the fact that he is an African American male, the issue is not race, religion or politics. Those are just smokescreens. The issue is what you believe defines you. Your definition of yourself cannot come from what other people say about you. Your definition of yourself has to come from the place of knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you belong on this planet; it is your right to be here, at this time, in this space. You belong.  Once your sense of belonging takes root in this belief system, and you realize that everyone else also has that right, then you can begin to carve out your life from a place of strength and not a place of fear.

Imagine you wake up tomorrow morning and the world has changed: You may be white and 99% of the rest of the population is black, Hispanic or what ever you do not like. You are still entitled to your space on this planet. You are still entitled to be as prosperous as your belief system allows. You are still entitled to a political voice with your vote if you live in this country. So is everyone else.

The perceived shift of power in the white house does not increase or decrease any other person’s ability or personal power. I do not feel powerless with George W. Bush in the white house because he is a white male from the South! Not one day over the last eight years did that thought cross my mind. I will not feel more powerful as a person because President-Elect Barack Obama will be in the White House. My personal power does not stem from who is in the White House. It stems from the fact that I am here on this planet and it is my right to create my life and live it out from a personally powerful place. I may feel more hopeful when Obama is in the White House because I feel confident of the leadership of this country, but ultimately, my power comes from me.

I do not believe that John McCain has lost any power whatsoever in his life by not winning the election. Instead, he has gained power. Prior to this race, he had never been the nominee for the Republican ticket before in his life. Obviously that became something very important for him. Today, we know that he has the support of 48% of the voting public. That is not a small matter. How can he continue to make himself relevant to the country, even the world? He is obviously still a valuable asset to the world. Think Al Gore! When Al Gore lost the election in 1999, he went on to become an even more valuable asset by following his bliss as an advocate for the environment. His impact continues to be felt around the world. I would not call him powerless!

Yes, the President and his decisions, actions and in-actions, do impact our daily lives and we all experience the effects, especially in the economy. But whether I have a million dollars in the bank or five dollars in the bank, my power comes from me, not my money. Now, it feels better to have a million dollars in the bank. I may feel powerless when I only have five dollars in the bank but the source of my power does not come from a green piece of paper that says $5 or $1 million. It comes from me.

America, can we please dig in deep and find our individual power and from that place, support our national leadership? Please.  Don’t support his race, don’t support his international background, and don’t support the fact that he is a democrat. Support the fact that he is our leader and therefore he has a responsibility to us. Our responsibility is to draw on our personal power and stop making him a scapegoat of our feelings of powerlessness.

To write this post, I sat back with a desire to perceive Obama’s energy and analyze it as a coach. I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me about Barack Obama?  I realized that I admire his focus. He has been very focused throughout his campaign. I also sensed that he keeps his ego under check at all times.  When I say focused, I mean he solely focused on his agenda. His speeches were not filled with just bashing the agenda of the status quo. So during the debates, when McCain would try to push his buttons, I never saw him angry or reactionary. Some say he was vibing cool hand Luke. I say he was focused on what he wants – A better America.

Self Leadership: Race and Culture

Personally, I have never felt that I was a victim of prejudice. I refuse to be victimized by other’s perceptions of me. I have lived in the United States for almost 30 years and I have always enjoyed a very arms length relationship with racial prejudice.  I was never conditioned to be very aware of it and its negative impact because my parents firmly believed in charting out your life on your terms.

Also, frankly, I think growing up in a different part of the world made a big difference for me. Americans have a tendency to define almost everything from a race perspective. This is not the global norm.

Nevertheless, when I listen to my African American friends or even full blooded black Africans that grew up in the US, I feel horror as they recount their experiences. Prejudice and racism truly exist and destroys for many people. In no way, do I mean to discount that fact. For recipients of prejudice, living, surviving and thriving after hate encounters really points to their personal power and resilience.

I have had a pretty good life. I meet many white Americans in my daily life and I cannot say that I have had any major negative experiences in my interactions with white Americans. I also know many white Americans intimately. This is not to say that I have not observed racism, but I was never affected negatively by it. Frankly, I choose to not see it and not be negatively affected by it and now, I am pretty much oblivious to it.

In fact, if the truth be told, there were times that I felt I was experiencing prejudice from a few African Americans that resented that I excelled professionally because I was originally from Africa and they felt that the civil rights movement was about them, not about us transplants. Now, please understand, 99% of all my encounters with African Americans have been very positive and any negative experiences I had were truly the anomaly.

I once worked at a law firm where a long standing 90 year old white male client came in and needed some work done. He was an uneducated white male originally from rural Georgia. He was introduced to me and he said to my face he did not want to work with a “n…..” Yes, the really negative word. I was so amused how easily that word rolled off his tongue. Obviously, it was just a descriptive term for him. There was no emotion behind his words. That was the first face to face encounter with the word with a white person.

I assured him that he should trust my boss’s judgment and allow me to do the work and if I did not do a good job, he would not have to pay. I went on and prepared his will and we got to know each other. I truly was not offended. I just saw him as someone that was conditioned to think the way he did. He was impressed with my work and gave me more work to do for him.

I must say, as I think back to my interaction with him. He may have appeared to be prejudiced based on his ignorance, but he was not an angry person and that may be why I had an easy relationship with him. He genuinely just believed that because I was black, I could not do a good job.

It turns out we lived near each other and we enjoyed a cordial yet professional acquaintanceship. A couple of years later, as I drove past his house I saw a lot of cars there and I could tell something was wrong. I stopped and went into the house where everyone immediately stopped and stared at me. You could hear a pin drop. I asked for him and someone went to get him. Someone asked me who I was and I said I was his lawyer. They all looked surprised, yet relieved.

When he walked into the room, my client smiled broadly at me and opened his arms and gave me a big hug. He told me his wife had died and I proceeded to fuss over him as I asked if he had been taking his medication and was he feeling OK. He introduced me to everyone and eventually, a few of the people I met that day became my clients.

I sat down and shared a meal with him and his family and guess what? They were just ordinary people, sad that they lost the family matriarch, worried about their children and the economy and wanting to live good lives. To this moment, I am certain several people in that room were members of the KKK or such similar group. I could sense it, yet I never sensed I was in danger.

That episode taught me that prejudice is learned and is a defense mechanism to protect what you know and what serves you. Unfortunately, it is a refection of a person’s lack of imagination and adventure. For me, it is poignantly sad to see the person’s energy as that of fear of loss of everything that has defined them. With this understanding, I feel great compassion and empathy for those who use racism and prejudice and hatred as a tool of defense and destruction. I can certainly relate to the feeling of loss, fear and mourning of an old friend – something that has defined you for so long.

Self leaders are not threatened by others and understand that race can just be a physical trait. They question their prejudices and embrace new experiences.

How do you view race?

How do you handle prejudice?

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