The Blame Game.

Someone dear to me who shall remain unnamed was in town visiting and left today. It snowed yesterday and our big airport in Atlanta was having some flight delays so her flight was delayed. So she decided to get to the airport in anticipation of the new flight time.

Guess what? Here was the conversation.

“Can you belive these crazy people?” she said.

“What happened? Did you miss the flight” I asked.

“No, I did not miss my flight. These crazy people closed out the baggage check in and now I have to carry two heavy peices of luggage though this busy terminal to catch the flight. This is too much to deal with.”

I got really quiet.

“What is wrong with them? Why did they close the baggage terminal down? I was only five minutes late. Why will they not cooperate with me.”

I started laughing. I could no longer hold it in. She started laughing. She said, “There you go again. Miss-I-am-a-coach-and-I-have-to-walk-my-talk.”

“Leave me alone. I do not want to be bothered with you,” she laughed.

She knew that I would not let her indulge in that fantasy. It was no one else’s fault but squarely her responsibility. She took a gamble about the plane baggage kiosk being open later because the flight was delayed.

This event had me thinking about how often we place blame, either on others or on ourselves.

We abuse “blame.” Blame is a minimally useful emotion and thought pattern. It only helps us identify patterns that are not working for us. However, the part we skip is that many of us do not realize that it is a time to respect the information of the patterns that are not working for us and go ahead and take responsibility for our thoughts and corresponding actions.

So do not bother to engage in blame. Blame is a very tough emotion to let go of. The more you engage in the blame game the more entrenched you get in it.  Many of our wonderful parents unwittingly taught us patterns of blame in an attempt to protect us from making mistakes.  But placing blame squarely on one’s shoulders has never stopped a problem. Blame makes you feel guilty and so you start solution seeking just to alleviate those feelings of blame.  Blame feels heavy and hard. There is a component of blame that is about punishment as the energy to stop the same problem from happening again.

If you try to create a solution to a problem from the basis of blame, the inception of your solution is off base and will not yield the most profitable result. You may end up putting a band-aid on the problem but you will never change the core issue if you function in blame.

It is important in your personal life and in your business to begin to create solutions from observing the issue requiring a solution from multiple perspectives. None of those perspectives include blame.

Please be clear. I fully believe in taking responsibility. However, in taking responsiblity for an issue, be kind with yourself.

Being kind to yourself does not mean that you are not aware of the full ramifications of the event and possible future consequences. Being kind to yourself merely means that there is no need to beat yourself over the head about and punish yourself mentally about the situation.

What  often happens, like with my dear friend in this example, you become so averse to personal blame because historically, you found that it is so awful to blame your self. You self-flagellate so much, that you react by blaming someone totally blameless in the situation. You can see the folly of this.

Did this scenario create a new solution for my friend the next time she has a plane to catch?

No.

Obviously this pattern will continue to repeat itself unless it was just a one time fluke.

Do you see this type of pattern in your life?

Can you feel the difference between taking responsibility and placing blame?

How can you be more authentic and create genius solutions to your business issues by taking responsibility?

Please leave a comment.