Personal Power and Cultural Identity: On Obama

For me, when it comes to Obama and the threats against his life based on the fact that he is an African American male, the issue is not race, religion or politics. Those are just smokescreens. The issue is what you believe defines you. Your definition of yourself cannot come from what other people say about you. Your definition of yourself has to come from the place of knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you belong on this planet; it is your right to be here, at this time, in this space. You belong.  Once your sense of belonging takes root in this belief system, and you realize that everyone else also has that right, then you can begin to carve out your life from a place of strength and not a place of fear.

Imagine you wake up tomorrow morning and the world has changed: You may be white and 99% of the rest of the population is black, Hispanic or what ever you do not like. You are still entitled to your space on this planet. You are still entitled to be as prosperous as your belief system allows. You are still entitled to a political voice with your vote if you live in this country. So is everyone else.

The perceived shift of power in the white house does not increase or decrease any other person’s ability or personal power. I do not feel powerless with George W. Bush in the white house because he is a white male from the South! Not one day over the last eight years did that thought cross my mind. I will not feel more powerful as a person because President-Elect Barack Obama will be in the White House. My personal power does not stem from who is in the White House. It stems from the fact that I am here on this planet and it is my right to create my life and live it out from a personally powerful place. I may feel more hopeful when Obama is in the White House because I feel confident of the leadership of this country, but ultimately, my power comes from me.

I do not believe that John McCain has lost any power whatsoever in his life by not winning the election. Instead, he has gained power. Prior to this race, he had never been the nominee for the Republican ticket before in his life. Obviously that became something very important for him. Today, we know that he has the support of 48% of the voting public. That is not a small matter. How can he continue to make himself relevant to the country, even the world? He is obviously still a valuable asset to the world. Think Al Gore! When Al Gore lost the election in 1999, he went on to become an even more valuable asset by following his bliss as an advocate for the environment. His impact continues to be felt around the world. I would not call him powerless!

Yes, the President and his decisions, actions and in-actions, do impact our daily lives and we all experience the effects, especially in the economy. But whether I have a million dollars in the bank or five dollars in the bank, my power comes from me, not my money. Now, it feels better to have a million dollars in the bank. I may feel powerless when I only have five dollars in the bank but the source of my power does not come from a green piece of paper that says $5 or $1 million. It comes from me.

America, can we please dig in deep and find our individual power and from that place, support our national leadership? Please.  Don’t support his race, don’t support his international background, and don’t support the fact that he is a democrat. Support the fact that he is our leader and therefore he has a responsibility to us. Our responsibility is to draw on our personal power and stop making him a scapegoat of our feelings of powerlessness.

To write this post, I sat back with a desire to perceive Obama’s energy and analyze it as a coach. I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me about Barack Obama?  I realized that I admire his focus. He has been very focused throughout his campaign. I also sensed that he keeps his ego under check at all times.  When I say focused, I mean he solely focused on his agenda. His speeches were not filled with just bashing the agenda of the status quo. So during the debates, when McCain would try to push his buttons, I never saw him angry or reactionary. Some say he was vibing cool hand Luke. I say he was focused on what he wants – A better America.

Self Leadership: Race and Culture

Personally, I have never felt that I was a victim of prejudice. I refuse to be victimized by other’s perceptions of me. I have lived in the United States for almost 30 years and I have always enjoyed a very arms length relationship with racial prejudice.  I was never conditioned to be very aware of it and its negative impact because my parents firmly believed in charting out your life on your terms.

Also, frankly, I think growing up in a different part of the world made a big difference for me. Americans have a tendency to define almost everything from a race perspective. This is not the global norm.

Nevertheless, when I listen to my African American friends or even full blooded black Africans that grew up in the US, I feel horror as they recount their experiences. Prejudice and racism truly exist and destroys for many people. In no way, do I mean to discount that fact. For recipients of prejudice, living, surviving and thriving after hate encounters really points to their personal power and resilience.

I have had a pretty good life. I meet many white Americans in my daily life and I cannot say that I have had any major negative experiences in my interactions with white Americans. I also know many white Americans intimately. This is not to say that I have not observed racism, but I was never affected negatively by it. Frankly, I choose to not see it and not be negatively affected by it and now, I am pretty much oblivious to it.

In fact, if the truth be told, there were times that I felt I was experiencing prejudice from a few African Americans that resented that I excelled professionally because I was originally from Africa and they felt that the civil rights movement was about them, not about us transplants. Now, please understand, 99% of all my encounters with African Americans have been very positive and any negative experiences I had were truly the anomaly.

I once worked at a law firm where a long standing 90 year old white male client came in and needed some work done. He was an uneducated white male originally from rural Georgia. He was introduced to me and he said to my face he did not want to work with a “n…..” Yes, the really negative word. I was so amused how easily that word rolled off his tongue. Obviously, it was just a descriptive term for him. There was no emotion behind his words. That was the first face to face encounter with the word with a white person.

I assured him that he should trust my boss’s judgment and allow me to do the work and if I did not do a good job, he would not have to pay. I went on and prepared his will and we got to know each other. I truly was not offended. I just saw him as someone that was conditioned to think the way he did. He was impressed with my work and gave me more work to do for him.

I must say, as I think back to my interaction with him. He may have appeared to be prejudiced based on his ignorance, but he was not an angry person and that may be why I had an easy relationship with him. He genuinely just believed that because I was black, I could not do a good job.

It turns out we lived near each other and we enjoyed a cordial yet professional acquaintanceship. A couple of years later, as I drove past his house I saw a lot of cars there and I could tell something was wrong. I stopped and went into the house where everyone immediately stopped and stared at me. You could hear a pin drop. I asked for him and someone went to get him. Someone asked me who I was and I said I was his lawyer. They all looked surprised, yet relieved.

When he walked into the room, my client smiled broadly at me and opened his arms and gave me a big hug. He told me his wife had died and I proceeded to fuss over him as I asked if he had been taking his medication and was he feeling OK. He introduced me to everyone and eventually, a few of the people I met that day became my clients.

I sat down and shared a meal with him and his family and guess what? They were just ordinary people, sad that they lost the family matriarch, worried about their children and the economy and wanting to live good lives. To this moment, I am certain several people in that room were members of the KKK or such similar group. I could sense it, yet I never sensed I was in danger.

That episode taught me that prejudice is learned and is a defense mechanism to protect what you know and what serves you. Unfortunately, it is a refection of a person’s lack of imagination and adventure. For me, it is poignantly sad to see the person’s energy as that of fear of loss of everything that has defined them. With this understanding, I feel great compassion and empathy for those who use racism and prejudice and hatred as a tool of defense and destruction. I can certainly relate to the feeling of loss, fear and mourning of an old friend – something that has defined you for so long.

Self leaders are not threatened by others and understand that race can just be a physical trait. They question their prejudices and embrace new experiences.

How do you view race?

How do you handle prejudice?

Third Culture Kids love Obama!

I stayed up on November 4th counting electoral votes as I enjoyed basking in the moment of our new President-Elect Barack Obama’s win. Truly, I am happy. I feel a kinship with him on many levels. The feeling that you can relate to someone so visible and iconic is exhilarating.

My mother was a white American. Her mother was Irish American and her father was Jewish originally from Poland. She met my Nigerian father while he was at Columbia University in New York and she ended up moving to Nigeria where she lived for 38 years. Within myself, I feel great resonance for the fact that we both have white American mothers and African fathers that came to this country to study and went to Ivy League institutions and dared to have public relationships with white women at a time when it certainly was not the politically correct thing to do.

I moved to the US from Nigeria when I was sixteen. I relate with many people of many different races and nationalities. I have relationships in many corners of the world and I am looking to establishing even more. One of the things I have written about is the fact that I am a Third Culture Kid. Being multiracial and living in different cultures growing up as a child makes me a Third Culture Kid.

I find the conversation about Obama and race to be very interesting because I do not think he sees himself as others see him. In my opinion, a black man did not win the election. He is multi-racial! Why are we trying to define who he is? He gets to define who he is. I have never really heard him discuss his personal definition of his race extensively. I think it would upset other people if they realized that he may not see his race through the same lens as they do. He may actually consider himself half white and half African – a new spin on the term “African-American.”

As a coach, it is obvious to me that we have underestimated “resonance” in this electoral race. Resonance elected Obama – not race. He resonates with many white Americans, because culturally, he has a significant white component to his identity. Some people may not want to hear that but it is true. And that does not mean he negates his black culture.

He resonates with young people. He relates to African Americans. He resonates with thinking people. As he kisses his wife and kids while on camera, he resonates with family people. Most of all, he resonates with people who are sick and tired of living in a box. He resonates with people who want to live outside the box! Because he is a Third Culture Kid (TCK) he has this innate ability to resonate with so many people on so many levels. Many Americans see a piece of themselves alive in him.

One of the most common traits of third culture kids is that they develop very strong self leadership traits as they learn at a very early age, how to fit in with people that are not like them.

Indeed, Obama is a third culture kids.

Obama and Race

Obama’s historic win as the first African American president of the United States has been on everyone’s mind. The big deal here is that he is an African American.

He may be married to an African American and attend a dominantly African American church but I would argue that he has not always being fully immersed into the African American culture.  We define him as African American but that term does not quantify his personal multicultural, multinational and multiracial being.

As proud as I am about him, I do not want a person in the white house because of their race. I want a person, male, female, black, white, Hispanic, gay, straight or whatever, because of their competency and ability to deliver and make this country the best place on the planet in every way possible. Period. As happy and as proud as I am of him, I voted for him not because of the color of his skin or because I resonated with his family background but because of his competency.

At this point in time, it really should not matter the race or gender of the person in the White House because it should be readily accessible to all competent people and our national competence should look like the constituents of this country in terms of race, gender and all other contributing gactors.

I was really shocked to find out that so many people are reacting in extremely negative ways about our new president elect. There are a lot of viral messages on Facebook and various places on the Internet that are fully expressive of very base forms of prejudice. This is particularly sobering to me as I am reminded of the culture that we do live in.

Why then do so many find dissonance with the knowledge that Obama is now their President? No, it is not because of his race or that he is a democrat. It is because those individuals find comfort in the status quo and they define themselves in relation to that status quo. The fact that this country could embrace change and hope in such a definitive manner is scary to many.

How do you embrace change?

How do you define your own cultural identity?

Have you found yourself feeling prejudiced about something?

What did this election stir up in you?

The human need to gather

Humans have always fought for territory with the perspective of protecting cultural norms and land ownership. We belong to our land and our land belongs to us. Therefore, traditionally, culture has been geographically tethered. With technology, modernization, affluenza and ease of travel, global nomadic lifestyles are changing the definition of cultural norms.

It is important that we broaden the scope of our understanding of culture and be aware of the limitations we place on people when we define them culturally. When we say someone is black or white, we are putting them in a box that limits our understanding of that person.

In addition, in business, corporations and multinational entities have to move from diversity awareness to multiculturalism and cross cultural inclusion if they want to continue to have substantial global impact.

When we evaluate the cultures of other people and categorize people based on their implied or overt membership in a particular culture, we are choosing to see that person as part of a group as opposed to an individual. When we observe others solely within the lens of their cultural context, we limit their humanness and individuality.

On the other hand, when we observe people solely as individuals and we do not encourage them to connect with others and partially define themselves as part of a larger group, we deprive them of being an active participant in the beauty of collaboration and the depth that the mosaic of culture brings to our daily lives.

The irony of culture in America is that although this is that exceptional environment that first put individual rights and freedoms above group rights, prejudice against groups that are racial and culturally defined continues to be a relentlessly destructive norm.

Humans have an innate need to be part of a group, a tribe that has cultural expression. When we were born, we belong to our mothers, our fathers and our family. Humans are the most helpless of creatures upon birth so our need to belong into a family system is deeply ingrained in our developmental DNA.

Furthermore, throughout our lives, very few in any of us, live in complete isolation. We were created to belong to a group and so expressing and cherishing our individual traits while simultaneously belonging to a group wherein we are productive is necessary for the survival of the human race.

The delicate balance between an individual’s personal expression and that person’s membership in a group is something that is fluid and changes throughout one’s life based on individual experience and age. As children our entire identity is based on our gender, age and the family unit to which we belong. As we grow older, we use geographical location and membership in institutions of higher education or professions to further define ourselves and to set ourselves apart within the larger group to which we belong.

Lack of awareness of this evolutionary pattern can create a lot of turmoil for those in transition. Global nomads and third culture kids in particular have a difficult time navigating some of these membership issues in belonging to these various groups. As a result, they may feel a lack of depth of connection to larger groups as they recognize that they do not belong to any one culture.

For people that feel culturally lost or do not feel a strong connection to any one cultural group, the key is to be aware of where your individuality flows into a group dynamic at any given time. Check in with yourself regularly and give this some deliberate thought. Become more aware and take risks in engaging with mono-cultural people.

Comment on my blog as to creative solutions that you have had in this area.

How did you gain awareness of our individuality versus the group?

How important is it to consciously belong to a group?

Obama wins!

This is a longer post that combines my thoughts that are spread out on several of my posts.

I stayed up on November 4th counting electoral votes as I enjoyed basking in the moment of Obama’s win. Truly, I am happy. I feel a kinship with him on many levels.

My mother was a white American. Her mother was Irish American and her father was Jewish originally from Poland. She met my Nigerian father while he was at Columbia University in New York and she ended up moving to Nigeria where she lived for 38 years. The bi-racial component is one point of  resonance for me when I consider our new president elect.

I moved to the US when I was sixteen. I relate with many people of many different races and nationalities. I have relationships in many corners of the world and I am looking to establishing even more. One of the things I have written about is the fact that I am a Third Culture Kid. Being multiracial and living in different cultures growing up as a child makes me a Third Culture Kid.

I find the conversation about Obama and race to be very interesting because I do not think he sees himself as others see him. In my opinion, A Black man did not win the election. He is multi-racial! Why are we trying to define who he is? He gets to define who he is. I have never really heard him discuss his person definition of his race extensively. I think it would upset other people if they realized that he may not see his race through the same lens as they do. He may actually consider himself half white and half African – a new spin on the term “African-American.”

One thing we have underestimated in this electoral race is the subject of resonance. Resonance elected Obama – not race. He resonates with many white Americans, because culturally, he has a significant white component to his identity. He resonates with young people. He relates to African Americans. He resonates with thinking people. As he kisses his wife and kids while on camera, he resonates to family people. Most of all, he resonates with people who are sick and tired of living in a box. He resonates with people who want to live outside the box! Because he is a Third Culture Kid (TCK) he has this innate ability to resonate with so many people on so many levels.

He may be married to an African American but he has not always being fully immersed into the African American culture.  We define him as African American but that term does not quantify his personal multicultural, multinational and multiracial being.

As proud as I am about him, I do not want a person in the white house because of their race. I want a person, male, female, black, white, Hispanic, gay, straight or whatever, because of their competency and ability to deliver and make this country the best place on the planet in every way possible. Period. As happy and as proud as I am of him, I voted for him not because of the color of his skin or because I resonated with his family background but because of his competency.

I was really shocked to find out that so many people are reacting in extremely negative ways about our new president elect. There are a lot of viral messages on Facebook and various places on the Internet that are fully expressive of very base forms of prejudice. This is particularly shocking to me.

I have never really felt that I was a victim of prejudice. I have lived in the United States for almost 30 years and I have always enjoyed a very arms length relationship with racial prejudice.  I was never conditioned to be very aware of it and its negative impact because my parents firmly believed in charting out your life on your terms. Also, frankly, I think growing up in a different part of the world made a big difference for me.Americans have a tendency to define almost everything from a race perspective.

I have had a pretty good life. I meet many white Americans in my daily life and I cannot say that I have had any major negative experiences in my interactions with white Americans.  This is not to say that I have not observed racism, but I was never affected negatively by it.

I once worked at a law firm where a long standing 90 year old white male client came in and needed some work done. He was an uneducated white male originally from rural Georgia. He was introduced to me and he said that he did not want to work with a “n…..” Yes, the really negative word. I was so amused how easily that word rolled off his tongue. Obviously, it was just a descriptive term for him. There was no emotion behind his words. That was the first time someone had used that word to describe me to my face.

I assured him that he should trust my boss’s judgment and allow me to do the work and if I did not do a good job, he would not have to pay. I went on and prepared his will and we got to know each other. I truly was not offended. I just saw him as someone that was conditioned to think the way he did. He was impressed with my work and gave me more work to do for him. I must say, as I think back to my interaction with him. He may have appeared to be prejudiced based on his ignorance but he was not an angry person and that may be why I had an easy relationship with him.

It turns out we lived near each other and a couple of years later as I drove past his house I saw a lot of cars there and I could tell something was wrong. I stopped and went into the house where everyone immediately stopped and stared at me. You could hear a pin drop. I asked for him and I was told he was in the bathroom. Someone asked me who I was and I said I was his lawyer. They all looked surprised, yet relieved. When my client came out of the bathroom, he smiled and was so happy to see me. He told me his wife had died and I gave him a big hug. I fussed over him as I asked if he had been taking his medication and was he feeling OK. He introduced me to everyone and eventually, a few of the people I met that day became my clients. I sat down and shared a meal with him and his family and guess what, they were just ordinary people, sad that they lost the family matriarch, worried about their children and the economy and wanting to live good lives.

To this moment, I am certain several people in that room were members of the KKK or such similar group. I could sense it, yet I never sensed I was in danger.

That episode taught me that prejudice is learned and is a defense mechanism to protect what you know and what serves you. It is a refection of a person’s lack of imagination and adventure. But the saddest part is just seeing the person’s energy as that of fear of loss of everything that has defined them. It truly is sad. From here, I feel great compassion and empathy for those who use racism and prejudice and hatred as a tool of defense and destruction. I can certainly relate to the feeling of loss, fear and mourning of an old friend – something that has defined you for so long.

They are missing out on so much of their lives.

You see, the issue is not race, religion or politics. Those are just smokescreens. The issue is what you believe defines you. Your definition of yourself cannot come from what other people say about you. Your definition of yourself has to come from the place of believeing that you belong on this planet; it is your right to be here, at this time, in this space. You belong.  Once your belief system takes root in this belief system, and you realize that everyone else also has that right, then you can begin to carve out your life from a place of strength and not a place of fear.

Imagine you wake up tomorrow morning and the world has changed: You may be white and99% of the rest of the population is black, Hispanic or what ever you do not like. You are still entitled to your space on this planet. You are still entitled to be as prosperous as your belief system allows. You are still entitled to a political voice with your vote if you live in this country. So is everyone else.

The perceived shift of power in the white house does not increase or decrease any other person’s ability or personal power. I do not feel powerless with George W. Bush in the white house because he is a white male from the South! Not one day over the last eight years did that thought cross my mind. I will not feel more powerful as a person because President-Elect Barack Obama will be in the White House. My personal power does not stem from who is in the white house. It stems from the fact that I am here on this planet and it is my right to create my life and live it out from a personally powerful place. I may feel more powerful when he is in the white house because I feel confident of the leadership of this country, but ultimately, my power comes from me.

I do not believe that John McCain has lost any power whatsoever in his life by not winning the election. Instead, he has gained power. Prior to this race, he had never been the nominee for the Republican ticket before in his life. Obviously that became something very important for him. Today, we know that he has the support of 48% of the voting public. That is not a small matter. How can he continue to make himself relevant to the country, even the world? He is obviously still a valuable assett to the world. Think Al Gore!

Now, yes, the President and his decisions, actions and in-actions, do impact our daily lives and we are all feeling it, especially in the economy. But whether I have a million dollars in the bank or five dollars in the bank, my power comes from me, not my money. Now, it feels better to have a million dollars in the bank. I may feel powerless when I only have five dollars in the bank but the source of my power does not come from a green piece of paper that says $5 or $1 million. It comes from me.

America, can we please dig in deep and find our individual power and from that place, support our national leadership? Please.  Don’t support his race, don’t support his international background, don’t support the fact that he is democratic. Support the fact that he is our leader and therefore he has a responsibility to us. Our responsibility is to draw on our personal power and stop making him a scapegoat of our feelings of powerlessness.

To write this post, I sat back with a desire to perceive Obama’s energy. I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me about Barack Obama?  I realized that I admire his focus. He has been very focused throughout his campaign. I also sensed that he keeps his ego controlled or has a very little one.  When I say focused, I mean he is pro his agenda which was he did not created as an anti agenda of the status quo. So during the debates, when McCain would try to push his buttons, I never saw him angry or reactionary. Some say he was vibing cool hand Luke. I say he was focused on what he wants – A better America.