Self Leadership: Race and Culture

Personally, I have never felt that I was a victim of prejudice. I refuse to be victimized by other’s perceptions of me. I have lived in the United States for almost 30 years and I have always enjoyed a very arms length relationship with racial prejudice.  I was never conditioned to be very aware of it and its negative impact because my parents firmly believed in charting out your life on your terms.

Also, frankly, I think growing up in a different part of the world made a big difference for me. Americans have a tendency to define almost everything from a race perspective. This is not the global norm.

Nevertheless, when I listen to my African American friends or even full blooded black Africans that grew up in the US, I feel horror as they recount their experiences. Prejudice and racism truly exist and destroys for many people. In no way, do I mean to discount that fact. For recipients of prejudice, living, surviving and thriving after hate encounters really points to their personal power and resilience.

I have had a pretty good life. I meet many white Americans in my daily life and I cannot say that I have had any major negative experiences in my interactions with white Americans. I also know many white Americans intimately. This is not to say that I have not observed racism, but I was never affected negatively by it. Frankly, I choose to not see it and not be negatively affected by it and now, I am pretty much oblivious to it.

In fact, if the truth be told, there were times that I felt I was experiencing prejudice from a few African Americans that resented that I excelled professionally because I was originally from Africa and they felt that the civil rights movement was about them, not about us transplants. Now, please understand, 99% of all my encounters with African Americans have been very positive and any negative experiences I had were truly the anomaly.

I once worked at a law firm where a long standing 90 year old white male client came in and needed some work done. He was an uneducated white male originally from rural Georgia. He was introduced to me and he said to my face he did not want to work with a “n…..” Yes, the really negative word. I was so amused how easily that word rolled off his tongue. Obviously, it was just a descriptive term for him. There was no emotion behind his words. That was the first face to face encounter with the word with a white person.

I assured him that he should trust my boss’s judgment and allow me to do the work and if I did not do a good job, he would not have to pay. I went on and prepared his will and we got to know each other. I truly was not offended. I just saw him as someone that was conditioned to think the way he did. He was impressed with my work and gave me more work to do for him.

I must say, as I think back to my interaction with him. He may have appeared to be prejudiced based on his ignorance, but he was not an angry person and that may be why I had an easy relationship with him. He genuinely just believed that because I was black, I could not do a good job.

It turns out we lived near each other and we enjoyed a cordial yet professional acquaintanceship. A couple of years later, as I drove past his house I saw a lot of cars there and I could tell something was wrong. I stopped and went into the house where everyone immediately stopped and stared at me. You could hear a pin drop. I asked for him and someone went to get him. Someone asked me who I was and I said I was his lawyer. They all looked surprised, yet relieved.

When he walked into the room, my client smiled broadly at me and opened his arms and gave me a big hug. He told me his wife had died and I proceeded to fuss over him as I asked if he had been taking his medication and was he feeling OK. He introduced me to everyone and eventually, a few of the people I met that day became my clients.

I sat down and shared a meal with him and his family and guess what? They were just ordinary people, sad that they lost the family matriarch, worried about their children and the economy and wanting to live good lives. To this moment, I am certain several people in that room were members of the KKK or such similar group. I could sense it, yet I never sensed I was in danger.

That episode taught me that prejudice is learned and is a defense mechanism to protect what you know and what serves you. Unfortunately, it is a refection of a person’s lack of imagination and adventure. For me, it is poignantly sad to see the person’s energy as that of fear of loss of everything that has defined them. With this understanding, I feel great compassion and empathy for those who use racism and prejudice and hatred as a tool of defense and destruction. I can certainly relate to the feeling of loss, fear and mourning of an old friend – something that has defined you for so long.

Self leaders are not threatened by others and understand that race can just be a physical trait. They question their prejudices and embrace new experiences.

How do you view race?

How do you handle prejudice?