Love is Acknowledgement

You know all about love. You know to love yourself and engage in massive self care but do you really understand what this is about?

Do you really know how to love yourself although you know how to love everyone else?

My client Isabel has been an awesome client. She shows up on time for her calls. She pays promptly and she works hard on personal development. She does not blame others for anything going on in her life. She likes her job but does not love it. She is deeply satisfied with her work as a volunteer with her local animal rescue league. She is single and feels lonely but she has made peace with this area of her life.

She started coaching with me because she felt all was well in her world but she did not feel fulfilled.

In our time together, I have noticed that so much is going well for her but she focuses her love mostly in an outside directional manner to others.  Every time I brought up the issue of self love, she glossed over it. She felt her self care was in order as she exercised often and got regular haircuts, manicures and pedicures.

Finally, she admitted it. She felt empty. She felt something was missing in her. She felt something was fundamentally wrong with her.

This was a great opportunity to open the door of self love.

As we talked about self love, it surfaced that this truly was a foreign subject to her. She really did not grasp it.

It was painful for her to acknowledge anything about herself. As we focused on what she did for others, it was clear that she considered these things her obligations. However, when we turned that obligation inward, and asked her about her obligations to herself, she was unable to see that her obligations to herself were beyond providing food, shelter, exercise and proper money management for herself.

This was her home work:

Make a list of all the wonderful qualities you want in a mate or qualities that you truly admire in others. For each of those items on the list, find that same quality in yourself and write a full paragraph about it.

When you write out the paragraph, let it flow. Write down everything that comes to mind   exactly as it comes to mind and sit with it and let the words speak to you. Acknowledge what it says about yourself. When you acknowledge those qualities about yourself, write down what feelings come up.

You cannot walk away from the exercise until you find and experience within you the fullness of what you are looking for in your partner or that quality in another person.

The first item on her list was that her potential partner must be intelligent.

So Isabel had to acknowledge within herself her intelligence.

She wrote a paragraph that went something like this:

“I am intelligent. Ouch! That is too hard. Ok, Ok. I am intelligent. I like being intelligent. Ok, I love being intelligent. I love how I like to read and how I create witty conversation about what I read. I love that I am not brainwashed by the news. I love that I am an independent thinker. Wow. This is deep. I really do see that I am intelligent. OK, how do I love this about myself? OK. I am intelligent. Wow. I love this about me. I love that I think critically. I know a lot of people who do not think. O, boy that is about other people, not about me. Back to me. I think. I like that. I really like that. In fact, I love that. Being a thinker helps me learn easily. OK, I am getting a hang of this. Learning easily means I listen better. I love learning so I listen so I can learn what I am listening to. OK, this means that I can focus on listening or reading. I focus. Wow. I like that I focus and I am not scatter brained.”

She then distilled out the wonderful things about herself that she learned in this lesson:

I am….
Intelligent
I think
I learn easily
I am a good listener
I focus well and in depth

She then let these words sink deep into her heart.

Here were her words describing how she fell in love with herself for the first time:

“Tears came to my eyes as I felt a swell in my heart. That is me. I am the one that is intelligent and thinking. I learn easily and I am a good listener and I can focus easily and in depth. That is a very awesome person. Wow. I am amazed that I discovered all that about myself. Phew. Gosh, I really am wonderful and I have deprived myself of knowing this about myself because I just never focused on myself and acknowledged myself. Thank you, Me!”

The following session, she informed me that she felt so calm and serene throughout the week and was able to find many more things she felt she was in love with in herself.

Interestingly enough, she did meet and flirt with two men that week that she felt were “remarkably intelligent.”

Interesting!

This is the law of attraction at work in a practical and personal way. As she focused on intelligence and love, intelligence and potential love showed up in her life.

What are the ways that you can fall in love with yourself today?

Do you have a favorite way?

How do you differentiate between external love and that internal falling in love with you?

Leave a comment about self love and the information here and you are showing yourself a lot of self love!

Your wants: What do I want less of in my life? .#10

I want less taxing relationships in my life. I want less morning grumpies. I want less stress and I want less time crunch. I also want less lack of what I want.

Over the last few months, I have spent a lot of time thinking and writing about how we co-create our lives relationships and realities with other people. When you begin to take responsibility for your life and really accept that you are solely responsible for the status of the relationships in your life, it can be a tough pill to swallow. So that rude cashier that I encountered at the grocery store is my fault? Well, let us get away from blame, but what was my attitude when I woke up this morning and how did I plan for that encounter at the store? That is the better question.

This morning, for instance, I was a little grumpy as my husband and I went for our three mile walk on the Greenway. He is always such a happy camper. Nothing kills his spirit. He wakes up happy and affectionate. This is what I want right? Well, the truth is sometimes it gets on my nerves. It definitely got on my nerves this morning. I did not sleep well and I was definitely grumpy.

Well, as we walked, he got chatty and happy. I got grumpier. I did not want to talk. I wanted to be alone in my sullenness and just think Why is he always so doggone happy all the time!

Well, I finally stumbled on the truth. The truth is that his happiness and affection tends to make me feel guilty. Yes, guilty. I know that being happy and affectionate is a good thing and I want more of that in my life but why do I hold on to those morning grumpies for just a little too long? Hmmmm……

This was an epiphany today – that my husband’s good mood actually stirs up guilt because it is really pointing me in the right direction. So, I embraced the guilt. Thanked it for serving such a great purpose in my life and let it go.

I knew I married that handsome guy for a reason.

So, as I had that epiphany, I started smiling. I felt so grateful for the lesson and that I had married such a great guy and that he loves to be around me, even when I am not my best. I then flowed into the feeling of appreciation for the Greenway and smiled at all the people we met along the way. I felt grateful that my husband is a runner but has started walking with me to support me and he goes at my pace. I realized that in the morning breeze, with the sun shining on my face, I am the most blessed girl alive.

Before you know it, the grumpies were banished away.

I am grateful that I have a relationship with a guy that unknowingly ups my vibe.

Now that is love!

Affirmation: I know what I want and it comes to me so easily.